


The New House-Elf

by Reyn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 10:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16931466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reyn/pseuds/Reyn
Summary: James and Lily are newly married, have a new house, and just discovered some extremely exciting news the night before. Lily is fairly certain nothing can bring her down from this Cloud Nine high...until she enters her kitchen first thing in the morning.





	The New House-Elf

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve always had this headcanon that during her school years, Lily never knew what a House Elf was. This stemmed from Hermione only learning about them thanks to Harry’s encounters as well as her frustration at not being able to find ANY source material on them to learn from. So it only makes sense to me that most muggleborns have no clue about their existence?

Lily almost made it to the kitchen without knocking into anything. It had been a very close call. But the corner of the hallway did not believe in allowing one to walk around with one’s eyes squinted closed and made sure her shoulder got the message. She gave the wall a soft pat in apology and continued to shuffle on her way to her instinctual destination – the coffee pot.

Last night had been…amazing. An amazing mistake, seeing as how Lily was now running on maybe three hours of sleep and had a series of intense tests to pass if she hoped to continue on her current career path.

With that thought in mind, she brought both hands up to brush the mass of hair out of her face and gathered it up on her head where she intended to tie it up in a messy bun.

She never quite completed the task as she reached the kitchen’s entry to find it already fully brought to life and cooking an enormous breakfast without anyone around.

“…Sirius?” she guessed out loud, knowing full well James was still upstairs snoring away. Not that Sirius should have been around either, seeing as how he didn’t live here, but that hardly ever stopped him.

The pantry door swung open and out walked a pile of breads and cheeses on a spindly pair of legs.

“Oh! Mistress Potter! Stibbs is so sorry for not having a tray ready before you wake up!” The food all tumbled to the floor to reveal a tiny humanoid creature with tremendous ears bending in half at the waist. “Stibbs is almost done, though! Please have some patience with Stibs!” 

Lily screamed.

She screamed and pointed, screamed and backed out of the kitchen, and screamed some more as she hastily patted down her pyjama pants for her wand.

Crashes and thumps could distantly be heard over her screams as James practically fell down the stairs in his haste to come to his wife’s rescue.

“What is it? Who is it? _Protego!”_ James cried, skidding to a stop to shield Lily with his body and point a threatening wand in every direction he could.

Lily’s nails dug sharply into his back as she practically climbed him like a tree so she could point over his shoulder.

“That! What is that! What _is_  that?!??” she demanded.

“What? What??” James shouted in panic, his wand still seeking out a source to attack.

“That! THAT!!”

“What? What??” James’ brain cells began to click to life. “What, Stibbs?”

“That.” Lily confirmed, hoisting herself up a bit higher. “That’s Stibbs?”

James fully relaxed beneath her. “Yes, that’s Stibbs.”

“What on God’s green earth is a Stibbs?” 

“He’s our House Elf.”

Lily was still as tense as ever. “Our what?”

“I kind of owled my parents yesterday about the news before I found out you wanted to throw a big reveal dinner – but only because I was so excited!” he quickly added. “And they gifted us with a House Elf to help out.”

Lily’s slow inhale right next to his ear had James wincing at the inevitable blow-out.

“James. What. The _hell._ Is a House Elf?”

James abruptly straightened at that, unsettling his wife in the process. “ _What_? You don’t – What’s a _House Elf?”_ he repeated.

Lily’s stare forced him to immediately remember she was born and raised in a muggle household. 

“It’s a-a an elf.” He waved an arm at the trembling creature. “Who does…house things.”

Lily’s eyes darted between him and Stibbs. “Like…a butler?”

“Yes?” James guessed, figuring the whatever that muggle comparison was would be accurate enough. “Yes. Exactly like a butler. And he’ll be bound to serve our family forever.”

“Wait, what?”

“Just think! It’ll be exactly like Hogwarts all over again!” James happily continued. “No more cooking or cleaning or  _laundering–”_

“Are you telling me we own a _slave?!”  
_

_“_ N-”

“James, that’s illegal!”

“It’s not-”

“AND immoral!”

“Wha-”

Lily turned to Stibbs. “Don’t you worry, we’ll be setting you free in no time.”

James’ attempts to shush the statement from exiting Lily’s mouth were quelled by the loud wail that came from Stibbs.

“NO, mistress! Please NO! Stibbs is SORRY! Stibbs is SO SORRY! Please don’t be giving Stibbs CLOTHES! Stibbs will do better!! PROMISE! Oh, Stibbs promises promises PROMISES! Bad Stibbs! Bad! Bad! BAD!”

James made a dive for the hot skillet before it could make further contact with Stibbs’ face. Merlin, all this excitement was going to cause a miscarriage.

“Lily,” James shouted over Stibbs’ sobs and wails. “Go wait in the living room. I promise I’ll take care of this and everything will be fine!”

Lily obeyed, perching on the edge of the couch and wondering what her husband had just gotten them into.


End file.
